Ciaran’s Peculier [sic] Blog

A view of the world from an Irish hole

Category: bastards

The dystunctional Health Service Executive

The conference of Irish hospital consultants held in Limerick has heard the HSE described as dysfunctional. I can think of other adjectives. Possibly the most apposite is that of evil. The HSE, together with other government departments, is the embodiment of what Professor Hannah Arendtr described as the banality of evil”. Most HSE operatives live fairly uneventful and unremarkable lives. They live in neighbourhoods and go to and return from work with alarming regularity. But how many people realise that they are living beside monsters? OK, not monsters in the Saddam Hussein sense of the word but people who nevertheless feel no qualms about inflicting pain or hardship on the least fortunate in society by their actions. But then,. Maybe, they are monsters too.

Sutherland’s Law

Some may remember this BBC TV drama programme of the 1970s starrong Oaom Cithbertson as the eponymous procurator fiscal, with its wonderful theme music taken from Hamish MacCunn’s

Iain Cuthbertswon

overture, “The Land of the Mountain and the Flood”.

I am sick and tired of listening to well-healed parasites like Peter Sutherland pontificating about the need for “hard” and “tough” decisions. Peter Sutherland is a director of a leading investment bank and he earns per year more than I, as a welfare recipient, l can think of earning in a lifetime.  This claptrap was delivered at a dinner for Irish directors, another group of the financially secure.

 I have no quibble with people who are wealthy. If their riches have been honestly earned they deserve congratulations, but those who are fabulously wealth, but yet urge that those with very l9ttle should survive on even less, and should be robbed of whatever dignity they may still have, are despicable.

 Peter Sutherland and his hearers don’t know the meaning of the words “hard” or “tough”. If they have as much as a twinge in their big toe they can have it treated in some deluxe medical facility, by medical specialists who smile at their hypochondria so long as their bills are paid in full. I would love the likes of Peter Sutherland and his hearers to experience real pain, I mean excruciating pain and torment which no doctor can alleviate. Maybe then they’d understand.

 And I would also add that I am more qualified than the great Peter Sutherland so i9n becomes especially galling to have to listen to his taunts. 

I;d love to call Sutherland and his friends a pack of bastards, but then some of them might just be bastards and they’d be offended.

The minister’s book launch

Many people are shocked at the lack of political judgement being displayed by Conor Lenihan in launching a book written by some

Wanna banana?

flat-earther aiming to rubbish evolution. Lenihan claims he’s doing it as a favour to a constituent and doesn’t know what the fuss is about. Speaking as a published author I have encountered great difficulty in getting serving cabinet minister to even attend my book-launches. It is far more common for the minister’s constituency secret, usually a civil servant on secondment, to be sent instead to express the minister’s crocodiles tears for not being able to make it in person, and thus leave me with the impression that he has far more important things to do than launch books.

 I thought that the Lenihans, of all people, would be fervent Darwinists. Does the family not prove how intelligence and ability to exploit natural resources will be replicated in the success of certain species over others?

The poetry of Pablo Neruda

Pablo Neruda’s Cien Sonetos de Amor rank among other sonnets as those of Petrarch or Shakespeare. They are pillars of a literature

Matilde and Pablo

 of the world, timeless in their humanity. The breathless beauty with which they describe the changing aspects of Neruda’s love for his wife Matilde make each one a veritable kaleidoscope, a miniature in painted with words.

Poor Neruda died as the socialist experiments in Chile were being brutally snuffed out by the CIA-backed military. These events not only witnessed the murder of his hopes, but the physical murder of so many of his friends, such as President Salvador Allende and the musician and song writer Victotr Jara, not to mention the torture and imprisonment of many others/ Although he had not long to live the fascist military conducted a search of his home at Isla Negra, to which Neruda responded “You will find nothing here but poetry”. He died eleven days after the putsch led by the blood-stained monster Pinochet, a personification of wickedness with whom Mrs Thatcher sipped tea. Of course she yearned of being to deal with “lefties” with the same dispatch as Augusto Pinochet, but she was able to do it through manipulation of the media, the brainwashing of the British public and their transformation into senseless materialist morons, a process continued so adeptly by her spiritual heir Tony Blair.

Neruda’s One hundred Sonnets of Love are divided into the four parts of the day: manana, mediadia, tarde and noche. I translate here Sonnet XXIV.

Love, love, the clouds to the tower of the sky
climbed like triumphant washerwomen
And everything glowed in blue, all was a star:
The sea, the boat, the day were exiled together.

Come and sea the cherries of the water in constellation,
And the round kea of the fast universe.
Come and touch the fire of the instantaneous blue
Come before its petals are consumed.

There is no water but light, quantities, cluster,
Space opened by the virtues of the wind
Until liberating the last secrets of the foam. 

And between so many blues- heavenly, submerged
Our eyes are lost, divining with difficulty
The powers of the air, the keys under the sea.

 

A very brief message to Cavan’s self important nobodies

There will be some of you who will seek to excuse your shabby and inexcusable behaviour of me by saying that I have been, to use a cliché, the architect of my own misfortunes, I’d just like to say in reply. “Which came first: the chicken or the egg?”

The party’s over

The town of Cavan is slowly but irrevocably returning to its quiet, humdrum nature as a dirty town once the fleadh road show has moved away. Why can’t Cavan by tidy all the time, and not just when funds appear to clean it up? Are its publicans such prostitutes? That they’ll only do things if the price is right?  

 One aspect may be that the price of a pint will revert to its normal level, instead of the empyrean heights it occasionally reached in some hostelries. It might be interesting to see the movement of funds to some officials’ bank accounts as I doubt that many of them are cle er enough to take possible kickbacks by circuitous routes.

Dr Brendan Scott’s forthcoming stand-up comedy routine at the Cavan fleadh, or Ciaran’s joke of the day

A family of prostitutes were discussing life over breakfast. The daughter had just come in and was asked how she’d done the previous night.
“Not so good. I only got 25 euro for a blow job. It’s the credit crunch I suppose.”
“Twenty five euro for a blow job,” screamed her mother. “In my day I’d consider a fiver for a blow job to be a good night’s work.”
“It was different in my day,” said granny prostitute. “We”d have been glad just to get something warm inside us.”

I’m sure there are many local government employees who know only too well the type of people I’m talking about. After all, when they”re on one of those five-star junkets paid for by the tax payer, away from their wives, girlfriends and partners, it can get pretty lonely, can’t it … but don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me.

Ciaran’s Something for the Weekend

Brendan had been going out with a girl for a year but he’d been reluctant to go onto Level 2 of the relationship because he was ashamed at the smallness of his willyu. He decided to ask the advice of his friend Eugene.
“Size isn’t everything”, counsels Eugene. “It’s what you do with it. Get her in the right place and the right mood, and the fact that you’re a bit on the small size won’t make any difference.”
Armed with this advice he goes out with his girlfriend. They drive to a dark spot where Brendan considers it’s a now-or-never moment. He unzips his fly, whips out his willy and gently guides his girlfriend’s hand to it.
“No thanks,” she says. “I’ve given up cigarettes.”

Dr Brendan Scott’s lecturre in Cavan County Library, or Ciaran’s joke of the day 1/6/10

A man is standing at the urinal in a lavatory beside another male in an olive-green suit who seems no bigger than a dwarf, but his attention is drawn by the size, length and girth of this second man’s male member, which is, without doubt, a whopper. The first guy doesn’t want to appear to be getting his kicks by looking at another guy’s cock, but his interest is noticed.           

“Is everything ok?” asks the dwarf.

“No problems. I’m sorry but I just can’t help remarking on the size of your cock. As a man you’re on the small side but it’s enormous.”

“Ah let me explain. You see I’m a leprechaun and all leprechauns have massive cocks in spite of their size.”

“I wouldn’t mind having one that size”. comments the first man.

“That can be arranged. After all I’m a leprechaun so I can grant anything you wish for,  but you have to do something for me.”

“Name it!”

“You’ll have to let me give you one up the butt.”

“Well I don’t know about that…” stutters the first guy.

“Now it’s your decision and I’m putting absolutely no pressure on you” counsels the dwarf soothingly.

“I suppose no one need know”, answers the first guy and quickly looking around to ascertain there’s no one else in the can he gestures to the dwarf to join him in one of the cubicles.

After several moments of excruciating pain for the man the dwarf asks him:

“How old are you?”

The man turns his head and answers, though writhing with agony: “I’m … ugh … I’m thirty-six… arghhh!…why?”

“You’re thirty-six are you? And you still believe in leprechauns?”

Arson around again

According to RTE news Gardai are investigating a suspected arson attack at an industrial estate in Dublin.

 The arsonist(s) are probably on the run now, fearing apprehension, but I want to give them some words of consolation for the future. You should really get out of the grime of the big city and move to a border county. There your involvement with arson will be initially forgotten, especially if you join Fianna Fail and the Knights of St Columbanus. You will then be able to look back upon your past with pride and speak candidly and unashamedly about it. And what’s more you will even get a job with the local authority.

 Instead of having to keep a low profile to escape the Bill, you will be able to have your mugs emblazoned on a weekly basis in the local paper. When you attend social events camera bulbs will flash as if you were Brittney Spears. If you still have criminal tendencies you will be able to steal with impunity, and because of your newfound friends you will be able to slander decent people, and what’s more be believed.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.