Ciaran’s Peculier [sic] Blog

Gardai in Cavan town are warning people to be extra vigilant on the evening of  Thursday, 17^th June, when they have learned that the town is to be visited by notorious and shameless criminal mastermind Noel the Dwarf. Noel belongs to a criminal family based in Trim, which was suspected of supplying the getaway vehicles to fellow underworld figure, the vegetarian Gormless john, in his heist in Hay-on-Wye last year. Noel the Dwarf is expected to take part in a meeting with members of the local criminal confraternity, scheduled for the Farnham Hotel. The Dwarf’s gang is in turn part of a nationwide racket called The Cabinet Crooks whose members are involved in protection rackets, identity theft, credit card fraud and prostitution. Like the Russian mafia they have recently gained a reputation for complete heartlessness and their most recent scams have involved stealing money from the blind and partially sighted.  No one could accuse The Dwarf of keeping a low profile, as he travel s around Ireland in a chauffeur-driven car and gets the taxpayer to cover his mileage and holiday expenses. In fact, some observers feel that he deliberately courts prosecution, in an attempt to show up the impotency of the criminal justice system. Gardai are nevertheless advising people not to approach the Dwarf or any o his associates, as they are extremely dangerous. .