Ciaran’s Peculier [sic] Blog

RTE has announced plans for a new five-star travel show, a kind of up-market No Frontiers. It has been inspired by the expensive tastes; some might say gluttony, of our government ministers. Each week the same ugly and incompetent people will zip off to some five or six star resort. They will fly to and from there by a special executive jet, and once there they will dine at the most exclusive restaurants and eat the fanciest chow. They won’t need spending money, because everything will be free. The costs of the journey will be shown to viewers, but these will be so astronomical that no one will be able to afford them. broadcaster toyed with including a “reality” element, where the viewers would vote off each week the most insufferable person, or maybe the biggest glutton, or the one who had spent the most, but they felt that to make the show truer to reality the viewing public would just have to grin and bear it, as it seems the Irish public have to do with their government.

 Really, the cabinet is acting like a crowd who have stumbled on a vast fortune, and are determined to spend it all before they can be caught. Minister Coughlan’s visit to the restaurant in Brussels defies hyperbole though. She got through over forty zakuskis. Now a zakuska is any Russian hors d’oeuvre. It is always served before a meal and is usually consumed with chilled vodka. It can include small pies or blinis with caviar or pickled mushrooms. They are very tasty, but I defy anyone but the greatest glutton to consume more than a dozen. In fact, Mary Coughlan’s consumption was like something from the pages of Gogol.

 She had ikra – caviar. One wonders whether it was Beluga or Ostropolsky or some of that Iranian muck. However I don’t think this is being asked by the hard-pressed fishermen of Killybegs or Burtonport where sturgeon aren’t to be found, but then they’re only catching ordinary common-or-garden fish, just not suitable for Mary from Kilcar’s tastes.

 All of this gluttony takes place far from our shores. Had these ministerial pig-outs happened in Ireland the ministers or their PR lia … handlers could have pointed out that the hotels in question were major sources of employment, using Irish produce. We once had a tourism industry. I think we still do, in spite of the weather. It gives jobs to thousands yet our government ministers seem to dismiss it with contempt.

 There seems to be an obsession with foreign travel. I love travel but I think there is an awful element of one-upmanship and snobbery in boasting about travelling beyond our shores. Our weather is often indifferent, but however much I love La Belle France I’d rather be stung by a bee in Buttevant than by a mosquito in Marseille. What’s more it can be too hot. It’s alright for someone who can make a stab at the lingo, or who doesn’t mind resorting to gestures, but many Irish people, in common with the inhabitants of our neighbour across the “sheugh”, seem dead set against learning even a few words of the local language, holding the opinion that everyone should speak English.

 I beg my readers’ indulgence for this little rant, but I am forced to observe that, thanks to the cuts implemented by this government I won’t be able to afford to go on holiday, even in Ireland. There are still so many parts of the country that I’d love to explore and that I’d love to introduce to my partner Rosie. And as for those making the cuts? They smirk “Wish you were here?!!!” from their luxury suites in foreign climes as they listen to their live pianist.