Ciaran’s Peculier [sic] Blog

The Irish people have learned that our dear, grasping and incompetent government ministers have spent 1.6 million euro in travel by air force helicopters and planes since last October. Ireland is not a big country and distances are not great, so it seems rather ostentatious.

God be with the days when they were satisfied with being “lorried around” in state cars (usually Mercs or Peugeots) driven by a member of the gardai, or if they deputy ministers, a relative. The state car was a worthy political prize in itself, as a Dail Deputy returning to his constituency after gaining ministerial promotion could exhort his constituents to come out and “see the state car”. There was one junior minister who reportedly had his state car modified so that the calves couldn’t lick the back of his neck when he was bringing them to the mart – they wouldn’t fit in a helicopter.

I recall the story about the late Sean Lemass who, when taoiseach, got lost while driving in the Kerry Mountains. Seeing an old man standing beside a ditch he told his driver to ask him for directions. The guard rolled down his window and asked:
“Excuse me, do you mind telling us where we are?”
The man looked quizzically back at him and, after a few moments replied: “Sure aren’t u in a car.”
Lemass burst out laughing, adding “That is the perfect answer to a Dail question: It’s short; it’s entirely accurate; and it gives absolutely no new information.”

Our ministers no doubt quail at the idea of having to travel on the ground, alongside all those horrible, scruffy, shitty, poor people known as the general public. I know for a fact one person on the list always used two words for such people in the past. These were “whingers” and “fuckers”. Sadly, they are known by others as “the electorate” and they are, when all is said and done, these ministers’ employers. Travel by air allows them to stay out of touch and not to see the mess they, their friends and relatives, are making of the country.

But air travel suits the superstar image they have of themselves. Word may have got round that oral sex is so much better when you’re off the ground, not to mention sniffing white powder.

I remember a friend of mine from long ago called John Buckley who still owes me two pints – I never forget things like that. Well on one occasion a friend of ours called P.J. was annoying John. P.J. had just started to learn how to drive and John said to him: “Ya better mind yerself P.J. or it won’t be drivin’ lessons you’ll be takin’ but flyin’ lessons.”

Anyone know where I can lay my hands on an old Sam 7?