Ciaran’s Peculier [sic] Blog

People will remember a film from a few years’ back called Black Hawk Down.  It’s about some American elite soldiers who get caught up in the hell that is Somalia. Directors looking for a location to shoot the most horrible sci-fi video nasty horror film should look no further than this disfunctional country. It is weird. There are businessmen in the capital, who are making lots of money, and, because there’s no central government, there are no taxes: a libertarian’s dream. Only problem is that if you want to go to work you have to stump up at every check-point along the way. You probably have to pay taxes i.e. protection fees, to a warlord, and when you get to work (if you get to work that is) is no longer there but has been shelled. And of course you face the same hassle on the way home. One consolation is that you can use your mobile ‘phone; tariffs are very competitive (no taxes again) and because there are a plethora of mobile phone companies, competition keeps prices down.

Life for other people isn’t so good though. If you are still in the capital chances are you face the same hassle of roadblocks when moving from A to B. What’s more the constant exchange of mortars between Islamic militants and government soldiers can make travel hazardous. Best to the stay at home maybe, but there’s no guarantee that your house won’t get hit by a mortar. Maybe you want to go to the central market, where buying and selling frequently break out between pitched battles. Only the other day the market was shelled by Islamic militants. Observers said there was blood everywhere and bits of human flesh stuck to the walls. The shelling was so intense that it was impossible for relatives to collect the bodies, and those who did often paid the ultimate price.

Now the guys doing the shelling belong to an Islamic youth-group called the Shabab. At the moment it is the holy month of Ramadan. Now the Shabab promised in a statement to step up shelling during Ramadan. Am I missing something here? I know comparisons between Ramadan and the Christian Lent are fallacious, but in the middle ages there was this thing called the Treuga Dei or truce of God, when warring nobles undertook to refrain from spilling blood, getting drunk and having sex during Lent. Once it was over well, it was back to normal. Now who are the victims in these rounds of shelling? Infidels? No, for the most part fellow Muslims. Are they engaged in blasphemous acts? No, they”re just trying to stock up on food and essentials, mainly for the feast of Eid which is celebrated at the end of Ramadan; they’re just innocent people, in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Somalia has a very weak central government,; in fact it’s a central government in name only. It’s backed by the yanks, but after the Black Hawk Down experience their support is at arms length. Instead the military muscle is supplied by Ethiopian soldiers. Whenever they come under attack by the insurgents they respond by opening fire, indiscriminately, on anyone or anything nearby, during which friend and foe alike get it.

It is a wonder that there is anything for sale in the markets. The insurgents have threatened to shoot down any plane attempting to land at the airport. Shipments of food and medicine by sea are hampered by pirates off the coast who seize ships and do not cry “Well me ‘earties what’s Long John got today?” before they throw the boats’ crews to the sharks. But there is one thing which always gets through, kat. This is a mildly intoxicating privet-like leaf which you chew while undergoing some male bonding. Get some of this inside you and you no longer realise what a shit-hole you live in. Control of the kat trade is lucrative, and it somehow always manages to get through.

If you want to leave this dream location you can, as tens of thousands have done – but it’s Somalia, so once you’re on the road to anywhere you can’t get there unless you’re willing to pay, and if your money runs out the militias on the way are only too happy to be paid in kind. These welcoming committees try the best they can to accommodate refugees by giving them places without basic facilities such as shade, running water or sewers at exorbitant prices.

Most people have forgotten about Somalia. They’ve tried to do something about it in their ham-fisted way and failed, and there’s nothing quite as discouraging as failure.